Aloneness and loneliness....

OSHO,
SINCE EACH OF US IS BORN ALONE AND DIES ALONE, AND ALONENESS IS THE
STATE OF OUR BEING, WHAT IS THE FUNCTION OF THE COMMUNE(of sannyasins)?

THE function of the commune is exactly that: to make you aware of your
absolute aloneness.

The family does not allow you that. The family gives you the fallacy
that you have a mother, you have a father, you have a husband, you
have a brother, you have a sister -- that you are not alone.

The society gives you the idea that you are a member of the rotary
club, the lions club; that you belong to this church, to that temple,
to this congregation or that congregation -- that you are not alone.
The society provides you with all kinds of crowds to mingle with. You
are republican, you are democrat, you are liberal -- but you are not
alone, all the republicans are with you.

The function of the commune basically is to destroy all these fictions.

Nobody is with you.

You are alone, and you have to understand that this aloneness is so
precious that you should not lose it.

It does not mean that you cannot relate. It only means that you don't
believe in relationships. Try to see the distinction between the two.

Relating is a flowing river. You can relate, and you can relate only
because you are alone, because you are an individual -- there is
somebody who can relate from your side. And you can relate only to the
person who understands his aloneness, otherwise you cannot relate.

If you know your aloneness, and you fall in love with a woman who does
not know her aloneness, this love is not going to go anywhere. This is
going to be finished sooner that you can imagine, because the woman is
asking for a relationship. The person who is lonely is asking for a
relationship: "Fill the gap, I am lonely. Be part of my being."

But a person who is alone knows that neither can you fill anybody's
gap, nor can anybody else fill your gap.

You can meet, but you will remain two alonenesses.

And it is beautiful that two alonenesses can meet, two individuals can
meet, but the meeting cannot be made solid, concrete. It cannot be
reduced to a relationship, it will remain a relating. It will always
remain a changing flux, a movement, because the other person is
changing and you are changing. You are not statistical -- though
that's what people expect.

When two persons get married, both are getting married to a certain
image which is going to change tomorrow. The woman you have married is
not going to be the same tomorrow. She is alive, she is growing, she
is moving -- tomorrow will be tomorrow. But if you expect her to
remain stuck here, at the moment when you signed the register in the
court, you are trying to stop the clock.

But even if you stop the clock... your clock is not running the time.
Both will carry the image stuck in their minds, and they would like
you to go on fulfilling that image. If you in some way differ from
that image, then you are deceiving, cheating. Nobody can fulfill that
image, it is impossible, it is against nature.

The function of the commune is to give you the opportunity to be
together, without any relationship.

It gives you the opportunity to relate to people without getting
fettered to people.

It gives you the opportunity to know others, feel others, but without
any bargain, without any bondage, without any imprisonment.

You remain you, the other remains the other.

It is good if we meet today, it is a joy to be together, but if it is
not going to happen tomorrow then there is no need to go on weeping
for the spilled milk. It is pointless. Perhaps this meeting was meant
to be only for this time.

You remain a stranger, the other remains a stranger, and you don't
reduce each other into acquaintances.

The strangeness is absolute, indestructible.

So the commune is not another society. It is not providing you with a
society, a club, a congregation, a party, no. It is simply providing
you a space, and an understanding that all these people are lonely,
just as you are. But don't try to fill it, because if you try to fill
it, you are trying to do something against nature and you will be
miserable. Hence, don't think in terms of loneliness; better to think
in terms of aloneness.

And to be alone is so beautiful; untrespassed, nobody trampling on
you, you are left to be yourself and you leave others to be
themselves. Yes, once in a while you meet....

India has produced a few great geniuses in this century; one of them
was Rabindranath Tagore. I love one of his novels -- The Last Poem is
the name of the novel. There are two persons: one, a young man, a
poet, a philosopher -- he actually says what Rabindranath would like
to say, he represents Rabindranath -- and a woman who is in need of
relationship. She is continually harassing him about marriage. And
particularly in India, if one woman and a man are even seen walking
together, that is enough for a scandal. They might not be doing
anything, but just walking together and it is enough for a scandal;
the whole town will be agog, and so many stories will start springing
up from nowhere. And of course the woman suffers more because
everywhere people start pointing at her.

So she was desperate. She was saying, "Why do you go on postponing? --
you love me, you want to be with me. If you don't love me, I will not
force you."

And the man says, "I love you, that's why I am not going to marry
you." Now, this is very difficult for the woman. If she had been from
my commune she would have understood. But what kind of statement is
this? -- "Because I love you I cannot marry you." But she goes on and
on, so he says, "I will marry you on one condition."

They are sitting on the bank of a lake. He says, "I will make my house
on this side of the lake and you make your house on the other side of
the lake. Once in a while, walking, perhaps we may meet. Once in a
while, perhaps I may knock on your door or you may knock on my door.
Once in a while, perhaps I am in a boat and you are also in a boat,
and we meet on the lake. But it always has to be without any
prearrangement. It has not to be a dating. I will never inform you
that I am coming, you will never inform me that you are coming. I will
marry you on this condition only. For a few days we may not be able to
see each other. You will never ask me,'Where have you been?' We will
never interfere in each other's freedom. We will remain as strangers,
as we are now."

The woman said, "Then what is the purpose of marriage?" Naturally she
cannot understand what is the purpose of the marriage.

The purpose of marriage is to be on each other's head twenty-four
hours a day. The purpose of marriage is to destroy each other in the
name of love; to nag, harass, fight. The man is suggesting exactly the
right thing: "It will be a great joy suddenly seeing you on the
lake... I will not be expecting it. Unexpectedly, I will find you in
the jungle by the side of the lake...." Just to think of that
unexpected moment is relating. There is no relationship.

He cannot send a message, "You have to come tonight because you are my
wife, otherwise I am going to court." In fact the husband cannot say
to the wife, "You sleep in the other room." That is enough to create
trouble. The wife cannot say to the husband, "You cannot sleep in my
bed." That is enough for trouble, because we have completely forgotten
a simple thing, our aloneness. And we are trying to forget it as much
as possible -- the very idea should be dropped.

But aloneness is a natural phenomenon. And there is nothing painful
about it.

When you know it, it is the greatest bliss.

The function of the commune is to give you the space, to give you the
understanding, to give you the feel of aloneness, and the experience
of relating without getting into relationship.