Everybody is afraid of intimacy. It is another thing whether you are aware of it or not. Intimacy means exposing yourself before a stranger. We are all strangers-nobody knows anybody. We are even strangers to ourselves, because we don’t know who we are.
Intimacy brings you close to a stranger. You have to drop all your defenses; only then, intimacy is possible. And the fear is that if you drop your defenses
, all your masks, who knows what the stranger is going to do with you?
Intimacy is an essential need on the one hand, so everybody longs for it. But he wants the other person to be intimate, so that the other person drops his defenses, becomes vulnerable, opens all his wounds, drops all his masks and false personality, stands naked as he is.
If you have lived a simple, natural life, there will be no fear of intimacy, but tremendous joy-of two flames coming so close that they becomes almost one flame. And the meeting is tremendously gratifying, satisfying, fulfilling. But before you can attempt intimacy, you have to clean your house completely.
Intimacy simply means that the doors of the heart are open for you; you are welcome to come in and be a guest. But that is possible only if you have a heart which is not stinking with repressed sexuality, which is not boiling with all kinds of perversions, which is natural-as natural as trees, as innocent as children. Then there is no fear of intimacy.
Relax and destroy the split that society has created in you. Say only that which you mean. Act according to your spontaneity. It is a small life, and it should not be spoiled in thinking about consequences here and hereafter.
Make your love a really festive affair, don’t make it a hit and run affair. Dance, sing, play music- and don’t let sex be cerebral. Cerebral sex is not authentic; sex should be spontaneous.
Create the situation. Your bedroom should be as holy as temple. In your bedroom don’t do anything else; sing and dance and play-and if love happens on its own as a spontaneous thing, you will be immensely surprised that biology has given you a glimpse of meditation.
A great revolution is ahead in the relationship between man and woman. There are institutes evolving around the world, in the advanced countries, where they teach how to love. It is unfortunate that even animals know how to love, and man has to be taught. And in their teaching, the basic thing is foreplay and afterplay. Then love becomes such a sacred experience. The orgasmic experience is the experience of merging and melting, egolessness, mindlessness, timelessness.
That’s why people live in trembling. They may hide it, they may cover it up, they may not show it to anybody, but they live in fear. That’s why people are so afraid of being intimate with somebody. The fear is that the other may see the black hole inside you if you allow him too close an intimacy. Even lovers rarely become intimate. Just to be sexually related to somebody is not intimacy. It is just the periphery of it, intimacy can be with it, can be without it.
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